One of the most challenging aspects of recovery from an eating disorder is that every major holiday and social function can feel like it is centered around food.
Rebecca A. Lake, RD, LDN, Nutrition Coordinator for Sheppard Pratt’s Center for Eating Disorders, explains that the most important thing for people in a support role to understand is that festive meals during the holidays might feel like an overwhelming challenge to confront, along with an opportunity for celebration. Keep in mind that your friends and loved ones with eating disorders might need extra support.
Each person has different needs, but there are a few best practices everyone can keep in mind to be the best ally possible. Here are some ways Lake says you can be a good ally:
Talk to your loved one ahead of time—not at mealtime. Start a conversation before the social function about what they need and how you can support them. Make a plan together about how to navigate tricky situations.
Mirror healthy eating. Eat like usual throughout the day. Don’t normalize fasting “to save room” for the big meal. Enjoy traditional food offerings at mealtime—try to stay away from trending diet food options. Be the model your loved one can look to for eating well-balanced meals.
Take the focus off the food. Try not to closely watch your loved one eat or micromanage their meal unless this is something they’ve specifically asked of you. If they have sought professional help, you can rest assured that their dietitian will be checking in with them about specific meal choices after the holiday. Avoid commenting on their food choices. Try not to moralize food or refer to foods as good or bad. If you are doing a diet program yourself, perhaps table it for the day.
Help keep stress down. Stress itself can make it difficult for many people to have an appetite. Stick to small talk and positive subjects—pets, weather, careers, and relationships—if you know these are not stressful topics for your loved one. Avoid politics, tragic current events, and other potentially difficult topics. (That’s probably good advice for any family gathering!)
Keep distractions handy. Table games and trivia are great ways to invoke conversation and provide distraction. In the hour after the meal, your loved one may be sitting with the discomfort of fullness or experiencing difficult emotions. Encourage your loved one to stay with the group; play a game or watch a movie together.
And most importantly—enjoy spending time together. Your loved one is more than their eating disorder. They want to enjoy the holidays just like you do—as a time to focus on being together.
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